Marriage Minute - Rituals For A Bad Day

Since the demise of my engagement, one of the ways I have chosen to deal with that, is to dive headfirst into all things relationships. How to have a successful relationship, what does it take to have a successful relationship, how to have a healthy relationship, what does it take to make and keep a successful relationship, what does being in a committed relationship mean and look like, and the list goes on. 

One of the resources that has provided me with great insight and knowledge is, The Gottman Institue. If you have not heard of them or read anything from them I definitely recommend you do so. There is some very valuable information to be read. So, having found all of this new and wonderful information I feel very enlightened and more prepared for the next go-around - if there will ever be a next go-around, and I want to share that information with anyone and everyone. Because there has to be more than just me out there who didn't/doesn't know what it takes to make a relationship work or what makes a relationship successful but also last! I truly feel like had I known this knowledge years ago I probably could have avoided some heartache and possibly saved my engagement. But I also know it takes two to make a relationship work and both partners have to be putting in the work, so maybe I couldn't have saved it. All I know is that I was woefully unprepared and illiterate about everything related to relationships. 

I realized I had never actually had a conversation with anybody about what it took to make a relationship. What I knew about relationships was based on my personal life experiences, what I saw in my parent's relationships, and what I learned from media, movies, and magazine articles. Why don't we prepare our children for relationships and what it means to love someone unconditionally? Why don't we talk to them about the difficulties of marriage and that everything isn't always rainbows and butterflies but if you choose to love someone every day and you love them unconditionally you can make it work. There's so much more to relationships than just sex and liking your partner. It takes actual effort and hard work (along with respect and things like that) but I never quite understood what that effort and work looked like until I started doing my own research. So I want to share my knowledge with as many people as I can, as often as I can. 

When I came across The Gottman Institue website I ended up signing up for their Marriage Minute emails - which are short, easy reads on different topics related to relationships. Now every time I read a new Marriage Minute post I feel more empowered on how to be a better partner. So, I'd like to share some of the Marriage Minute content because I find it so valuable and hopefully it will help someone else. 

Marriage Minute by The Gottman Institue - "Rituals for a Bad Day":

Let's say your partner is having a bad day. Perhaps they had an argument with a friend or they didn't get the second job interview; any type of disappointing event from a stressor outside of your relationship. It leaves your partner feeling dejected. How do you respond?

In "The Relationship Cure," Dr. John Gottman notes, "In moments of deep discouragement, it can be extremely comforting to have a reliable outward sign that your spouse stands by you." This is an opportunity to establish a ritual of connection. 

Rituals for a bad day can look like stopping by the bakery to get those cupcakes they like or offering to rub their shoulders while you listen to them share their feelings. It's also helpful to build Love Maps together so you know exactly what your partner needs when they feel low. 

This isn't the time for attempting to solve your partner's problems for them. Understanding preceds advice, so your ritual of connection is first and foremost a source of comfort where your partner feels seen, known, and loved. 

Make supporting each other through the tough times a habit in your relationship. You'll find that your love will grow when your partner knows they have you to lean on. 

- The Gottman Institute

Always be kind. 

Peace, love, joy, and happiness. 

- Courtney