6.16.2021
It's coming up on a year that we've been non-divorced-divorced and I'm still knees deep in pain and hurt. I spend most of my days self-reflecting and trying to figure things out like; what is wrong with me, am I a narcissist, is he a narcissist? Am I the one who caused him pain and damaged him? Did I force him to be the way he was the same way I feel like he forced me to be the way I was? Let me just say, it's exhausting. Self-reflecting and navigating your emotions and feelings is hard, exhaustive work. I feel like I am constantly in this ebb and flow of emotions. One second I'm on the path to healing and then something will happen and I will completely unravel. I can experience this every few weeks, days, and even sometimes all within one day. It's this constant never-ending roller coaster and I just want off! Or do I? Maybe I'm so used to this way of life that I live off of it. I don't know any other normal so I'm constantly holding on to it and ...
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